Dear Me,

Man, life’s tough, isn’t it? Why is everything such a fight with you? You always feel attacked, and you’re always on edge. Let’s be honest, though: it isn’t totally your fault. Childhood got you into some rough shit. You were so smart, are so smart, but you got held down. Man, if only you could escape that, and not carry it with you everywhere. I know you were bullied and beaten, and I know that messed you up something awful.

I know your ability to care about your studies kind of went out the window. For someone like you, who only wanted to be smart when you were young, and who has so much potential, that’s rough. I know you let yourself down quite a bit, but don’t stay down. Really, get up, keep going. You can still do it. Let the potential become the reality.

I know that your ability to interact with people and society has been stunted. Decimated, really. People don’t understand you, and that’s because you never let people in. You are scared of people. Understandable, being that the limited interactions with people have been bad ones. Remember: Not everyone is bad and cruel. You are a human being, with strengths and flaws. You are likable, and you know it. There are people who are close to you that you call friends. When you let people in, they take a look around your head. I know you expect them to run away, but they don’t always. Some stay; some care. You are learning to let people in little by little. Keep it up, it’ll be beneficial in the end. If they turn and run, let them, but they will never stay if you don’t even give them a chance.

Nothing is the end of the world. You’ve lost family, friends, your home, your memories, and damn near your life. Don’t be afraid of what lies in front of you; step forward in confidence. Life is a series of events and experiences, and they make up the tale of you. You can be changed, you can be broken, but it’s just part of growing up, and becoming who you’ll be. You can lose everything, get it all back, and lose it again. You can still persevere, you’ve done it before.

Don’t forget yourself. You know who you are, at least part of who you are. Stop throwing your morals and convictions out the window. You get hurt every time you do, has it been worth it once? Not particularly. Yea, following them gets you hurt sometimes too, but getting hurt being true is better then getting hurt living a lie. Don’t cut corners on yourself. It’s just plain stupid.

Be happy with yourself, and don’t care what everyone else thinks about you. Right now, you are typing this, and you are doing it feeling free. You’ve shed so much of your defenses. You aren’t scared of being judged. Keep that up, because no one matters as much to you as you.

And, although you’re following the career path you think suits you best, don’t let go of your creativity. Ever. You may not think you are good enough at it, but you know that you are. You know you can write and draw and sing. So keep it up. It doesn’t need to be your career, but don’t let it become nothing. Keep it close to you, it’s your safe place, never forget how it makes you feel.

Finally, don’t forget your heart. It’s so strong, you care so much, and although you think the world has become a place that doesn’t respect that sometimes, it does. People recognize your kindheartedness. You enjoy giving, and helping. Don’t let that fade. Furthermore, we both know what is most important in your life: Love. Partners come and go, and you feel and then you hurt. You keep the cycle going though, because one day it won’t hurt. It’ll grow, and you’ll be able to have children, and feel complete, like you have never felt in your life. The person who will complete you is out there. Find them. Hold them. Make them know they complete you, and they will make you know that you complete them.

Study hard: become who you want to be.
Let people in: they will love you, and you’ll feel better.
Remember yourself: for now, nothing is more important to you then you, and that’s okay.
You are good: be happy with who you are.
Be creative: it’s in your blood, in your mind and soul. Don’t just let it go.
Remember your heart: it beats in your chest. It is the part of you that is compassionate to those in need, and it’s the part of you that you want people to see. It will be what resonates with another to bring you to your bliss.
I give you these rules, because I care about you. This will make you happy. You’ve spent a long time breaking these rules, and you’ve spent a long time unhappy. Let’s change that, together.