Dear Me,

Man, life’s tough, isn’t it? Why is everything such a fight with you? You always feel attacked, and you’re always on edge. Let’s be honest, though: it isn’t totally your fault. Childhood got you into some rough shit. You were so smart, are so smart, but you got held down. Man, if only you could escape that, and not carry it with you everywhere. I know you were bullied and beaten, and I know that messed you up something awful.

I know your ability to care about your studies kind of went out the window. For someone like you, who only wanted to be smart when you were young, and who has so much potential, that’s rough. I know you let yourself down quite a bit, but don’t stay down. Really, get up, keep going. You can still do it. Let the potential become the reality.

I know that your ability to interact with people and society has been stunted. Decimated, really. People don’t understand you, and that’s because you never let people in. You are scared of people. Understandable, being that the limited interactions with people have been bad ones. Remember: Not everyone is bad and cruel. You are a human being, with strengths and flaws. You are likable, and you know it. There are people who are close to you that you call friends. When you let people in, they take a look around your head. I know you expect them to run away, but they don’t always. Some stay; some care. You are learning to let people in little by little. Keep it up, it’ll be beneficial in the end. If they turn and run, let them, but they will never stay if you don’t even give them a chance.

Nothing is the end of the world. You’ve lost family, friends, your home, your memories, and damn near your life. Don’t be afraid of what lies in front of you; step forward in confidence. Life is a series of events and experiences, and they make up the tale of you. You can be changed, you can be broken, but it’s just part of growing up, and becoming who you’ll be. You can lose everything, get it all back, and lose it again. You can still persevere, you’ve done it before.

Don’t forget yourself. You know who you are, at least part of who you are. Stop throwing your morals and convictions out the window. You get hurt every time you do, has it been worth it once? Not particularly. Yea, following them gets you hurt sometimes too, but getting hurt being true is better then getting hurt living a lie. Don’t cut corners on yourself. It’s just plain stupid.

Be happy with yourself, and don’t care what everyone else thinks about you. Right now, you are typing this, and you are doing it feeling free. You’ve shed so much of your defenses. You aren’t scared of being judged. Keep that up, because no one matters as much to you as you.

And, although you’re following the career path you think suits you best, don’t let go of your creativity. Ever. You may not think you are good enough at it, but you know that you are. You know you can write and draw and sing. So keep it up. It doesn’t need to be your career, but don’t let it become nothing. Keep it close to you, it’s your safe place, never forget how it makes you feel.

Finally, don’t forget your heart. It’s so strong, you care so much, and although you think the world has become a place that doesn’t respect that sometimes, it does. People recognize your kindheartedness. You enjoy giving, and helping. Don’t let that fade. Furthermore, we both know what is most important in your life: Love. Partners come and go, and you feel and then you hurt. You keep the cycle going though, because one day it won’t hurt. It’ll grow, and you’ll be able to have children, and feel complete, like you have never felt in your life. The person who will complete you is out there. Find them. Hold them. Make them know they complete you, and they will make you know that you complete them.

Study hard: become who you want to be.
Let people in: they will love you, and you’ll feel better.
Remember yourself: for now, nothing is more important to you then you, and that’s okay.
You are good: be happy with who you are.
Be creative: it’s in your blood, in your mind and soul. Don’t just let it go.
Remember your heart: it beats in your chest. It is the part of you that is compassionate to those in need, and it’s the part of you that you want people to see. It will be what resonates with another to bring you to your bliss.
I give you these rules, because I care about you. This will make you happy. You’ve spent a long time breaking these rules, and you’ve spent a long time unhappy. Let’s change that, together.




Dear me,

I’m sorry for every mean thing I’ve ever said about you or to you. I’m sorry for hating parts of you. I’m sorry for thinking your boobs are too small, your butt too flat, your arms too skinny and your face the worst thing about yourself. I’m sorry for being self-conscious. I’m sorry for abusing you. I’m sorry for exposing you to the eyes of boys who will only care about how skinny your waist is. I’m sorry for pushing your boobs too high, and wearing shorts that are too short in attempts to get attention – you’re better than that, I’m better than that. I’m sorry for thinking that your self-worth was measured in his eyes. I’m sorry for every time you didn’t feel loved. I’m sorry for not showing you I love you enough. I’m sorry I think you have wings, when all you have are feet. I’m sorry I overwork you, deprive you of what you need, curse at you, wish you were this or wish you were that, but you’re doing your best and that’s all I can ask for.

I, however, am not sorry for the tattoo that decorates your left side. I’m not sorry for the days I put effort in, or the days I don’t. I’m not sorry for the days I leave make-up in its bag. I’m not sorry for flowing with your ebbs and ebbing with your flows. I’m not sorry for being sexual, and I’m not sorry for the days that touching is the last thing you want. I’m not sorry for feeling beautiful when he looks at you like that, even when I know you don’t look your best.

You don’t always need to look your best. You just need to feel good about you. Who the actual fuck cares? Yeah, compliments are nice. But backhanded compliments don’t feel good. Like, who the actual fuck cares if your “thigh gap looks good today?!” And you didn’t ask for this thigh gap, Goddammit. So don’t let other girls make you feel guilty for it. Having a thigh gap isn’t even that big of a deal. It’s based on the size of your hips anyway, not anything else. You’re teeny, you’re tiny, you’re small, you’re petite and that’s okay!

Know that you are beautiful just the way you are. Your ins and outs are beautiful. Your subtle curves are beautiful. Your crooked, chipped teeth are beautiful. Your eyes are beautiful. Your freckles that only come out of hiding during the summer months are beautiful. Your breasts are beautiful, and just the right size. Your butt is beautiful. Your legs and thighs and thigh gap are beautiful. Your crazy lion hair is beautiful. Your dirty, worn-in feet are beautiful. Your arms are beautiful. Your heart and lungs and tongue are beautiful. Even when you’re old, grey and saggy – you will be beautiful, because you will be you.

I know this letter isn’t as poetic as I would have liked it to be, but, body, I love you.